I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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