If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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