def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
