I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
