I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
