Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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