the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
