Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize