I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Randomize
