i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
