she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
