Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
