Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
