whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
