It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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