You just made me feel so damn special
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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