Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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