I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize