call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
