I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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