I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
