Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
