I'm so fucking centered right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
