So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
