one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
