I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They took my balls.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My feet surprised me
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