I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
