im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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