Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
