I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize