Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
