quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
