So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize