i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
