dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
