So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize