someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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