I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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