Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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