Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
