just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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