I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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