Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
