My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
