I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
