I want to make a zoo with you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
