I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
