I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
