didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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