he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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