WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize