dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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