sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
