Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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