A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize