Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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