O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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