I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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