It's like God shit irony all over that family
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
