So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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