I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
