Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is Oprah even human
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
