i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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