I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize