I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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