it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize