my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
