i already hear my dad disowning me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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