LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
