fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize