its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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