I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
