He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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