Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
