Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
two words...techno handjob
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
