Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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