onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
