i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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