Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
