i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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