if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
