He disabled his match.com account in front of me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
