The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
