he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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