Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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