Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
