Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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