im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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