also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
