I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
