I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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