you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
