Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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