I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
