Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
