I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
