I am spending my child support on dildos
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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