FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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