so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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