not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize