I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
