it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
