thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's great music for shaving your balls
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
