I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
