We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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