You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
