I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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